I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
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