Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
