just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
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