i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
