I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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