Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
