well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
