just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I cut my penus on the lid.
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Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
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Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I have post one night stand depression
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