I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
