I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
time to smoke my breakfast
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Randomize
