I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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