U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Randomize
