I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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