my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
