Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
