since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Come back. Shots need mouths.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
