she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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