Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
