Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Randomize
