Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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