i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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