I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
