Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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