Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
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Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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