we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
