it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Found the puke drawer
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
