How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
