And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
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We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
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You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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