I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
