carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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