i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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