I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
