I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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