i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
