Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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