Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize