so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
