I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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