Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
He passed out mid-signature
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
