I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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