The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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