her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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