What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
