I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
