We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
