Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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