I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
