I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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