So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you