the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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