just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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