Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
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If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
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I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni