I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.