He passed out mid-signature
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Dating After Heartbreak
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......