It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
your address is 607B right?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
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She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
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you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife