From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.