hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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