so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
