Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize