I swear she didn't look like that last week.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
