saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Randomize
