Are we in a gay sports bar?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
