I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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