Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
