I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
