He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
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