she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
