Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
you traded sex for a burrito?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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