I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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