Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize