OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
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