When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Randomize
