Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
