Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
where are you?
Hypothermia
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
