careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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