You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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